I want...
September 1, 2011 By
Leanne Vogel
July 14, 2015
“Why am I feeling all of these things?”I didn’t get a response. In fact, I got nothing. I was a ball of unstable emotions. It was so unnerving! Once I was settled in my room, I grabbed my camera and went on a little adventure to calm myself.
“If this is part of the process than so be it, but I feel like it’s larger than that for me. Maybe doing this now is a bad time? Maybe I’m more fragile than I thought? I’m unsure of what my next steps should be.”But nothing came to me. In an effort to try to connect somehow, I decided to go back to my meditative roots in hopes of weeding out the white noise that filled my head. I spent Sunday morning in the Beach Prayer room, a couple minutes walk from our dorm. It quickly became my favorite place out of all of the buildings on site.
“I’m going to be the best weeder. All the people at the ashram are going to announce that I was the best, that I found the most weeds and removed them with the most efficiency.” “Wait, what’s that about?” This lead me to ask myself, “why do I feel the need to compete with others?” The answer quickly came… “because I feel the need to prove myself to others so that they’ll like me” Then I asked “why?” [logical question, right?] And was met with “because I fear rejection“
“Was it the time my Mom went to my sister’s gymnastic class over my dance recitle?” and I stared at the weed. Nope, that didn’t resonate. “Was it the time that my best friend didn’t invite me for a sleepover but all of our other friends went?” Nope.Then there was this big weed. This big one that I could tell had long roots and would be a pain to get out. So I grabbed my butter knife, got down on the ground and went to work. I poked, I prodded, I manuvered, then the weed came out in my hand, root and all. At that very moment my heart said…
“It wasn’t another person who did this to you, or who made you this way. The day you started to reject yourself and fill your heart with hatred, loathing and resistance for the woman you were becoming was the day it all began“I stared at that weed in my hand for a long while. It’s roots were thick and hearty. I knew I had hit the spot.
We decide the person we want to be. By exposing ourselves to the divine [whatever that may be for you] we can choose what we accept into our consciousness and ensure that it’s positive. What kind of person do I want to be? To give yourself and the best you have, you give with your heart. Speak from your heat, act from your heart and sing from your heart to grow love for yourself and those around you. I have all the answers inside of me. I just have to ask the questions and sit with them. Be silent, and love. I must love, live, and sing with my soul. Because I am the apitamy of beauty.Have a fantastic Thursday :)
This entry was tagged: journey to health, positive affirmations, travel, yoga
Hi! I'm Leanne (RHN FBCS)
a Functional Medicine Practitioner, host of the Healthful Pursuit Podcast, and best-selling author of The Keto Diet & Keto for Women. I want to live in a world where every woman has access to knowledge to better her health.